Kokoro Reflections: Where is My Paradise

Where is my paradise?

Where is the place that my whole soul and mind can freely roam without doubts?

Where is that world that I am longing for?

Such questions, the things that keep haunting me for a long time.


Music of my dreams are always pulling me and reminding me, "I can make you feel what you really want"

Then trenches my heart and tells me, "shall we go now"?

I want to follow the path I really longing for. But... I have the fear to take the risk. Money and experiences, those are too risky to be exchanged to my greatest dream.


But I ask myself, "How can you be at your fullest if you won't take a risk?"


I would love to take risk. But I have things to consider before doing so. Yes, that includes my salary rate and work experiences. But those concern the support I give to my family financially, and my younger siblings are still studying. I can't leave my current carreer if I would consider those. But... if ever I am going to take that risk, I am willing to start from the bottom just to learn and take steps to be better in the path that I really want.

It is very difficult suppressing myself like this. It's like I am giving up my whole self and life to something contrary to my interests. I feel like dead at all.

I know there are others feeling same way but not complaining at all because they take consideration of people whom they care much. Having my ideas and aspirations doesn't mean I don't care for loved ones. I just want to stood up for my life in which it seem felt not much alive for all this time not following my heart wants.

I can't see much of myself right now. I can't see my true potential. I can't see what I really do good at. I am blinded.

To ease this struggle, I take free and affordable arts and programming workshops. I do take alternatives because I don't wanna stay confined in my so lifeless life.

I want to stood-up and shine, and then feel appreciated by others, and so as myself. I want to take possible opportunity I could see in order to set foot on my goals. And this is how I fight for my life.

Kokoro Reflections: I want to be the best of me

"I feel bummed-out."

"I feel like I am not doing anything for better."

"I wanna create something, but I felt like something's hinding me out."

"I wanna do something, but I felt like something's stopping me."

"I wanna unleash my ideas, but I felt like I am being imprisoned in the unknown."

"I wanna feel my mind being pushed into exercise and having the feeling of the blood and oxygen flowing into my brain. Then feel the flow of the information in life in which nourishes me to be much motivated to do more what I am capable right now."

"The feeling of vigor is prominently absent. I want to experience again the presence of being alive in my own world, in my own self. Without the fear of getting disappointments from things around."

"Despite of this dull feel, there is still 1% of me who is fighting for the most and brightest light to be seen. My heart tells not to stop dreaming and take the leap to be greater than I am now. Mind is persuading herself to think greater good things in order to pull-off ideas helpful for the leap."

"I don't wanna stop there."

"I want to be more who I am now."

"I want to be the best of me."

Reaching the Greater Goal

Everybody has their own wants, their own dream and their own goals. Everybody is motivated with the vision that the their mind is inhibiting. A vision that creates the energy to make their body push to work hard in order to achieve something even in a very small amount.

Man cannot attain everything all at once. Every man should always create several small steps to reach their great destination. Hard work  perseverance, diligence and patience - those things must be included on those small steps that every man creates. A man can never attain something big at the first place without experiencing something small beforehand.

Every man wants, every man needs and every man dreams. These things makes a man move within the boundaries he is stepping at. After filling those, he will move outside of the box to see and experience something greater. That is the time that man will move to the higher stage of life.

Everybody can never attain something big at the fresh start, they should first learn something to take a grasp of it. They can dream and set a goal, but experience will always be their stepping stone to reach that greater pedestal.

Message from the Shadow (Poem)

I grew up in silence.

Emotions were never been much shown.

Everything was kept along within the shadows

Where only myself could know.

Happiness was never shared.

But only to myself who were always within reach.

Sadness was never shared

Because I grew up living distant to others.

I watch time passes by,

But only with myself who were always within reach.

Because before was imprinted to my mind,

Others were can never be trusted.

Such ideology ruined the childhood.

Now looking for things I should already have beforehand.

The centrepiece of my life had become an introverted path.

It is being struggled to be changed.

My only wish is to be happy.

I don't want to waste every second engaged to sadness.

Changing myself is determined.

Bringing my old happy self is pushed.

If only I could reset time,

I will think and do what are in bliss.

Things that are good and happy,

The challenge that I accept.

How I wish I could enjoy,

Every good moments with everyone in my life.

Not thinking the pain 

In which I was mostly devoured before.

An emotional pain lurked in me.

That pain that reaped my life

Which now I can't show the best side,

Today is hiding in the shadows of silence.

Nobody can understand the pain

That I very eager to treat.

All I need now to forget the pain.

Accept everything and only remember everything is good.

I want show to everybody myself that was never seen.

My eyes that sees good,

My lips that speaks kindness.

I want everybody to feel the good that is within me.

I now will not be afraid to show the good that is in me.

I will let everybody feel being with me is a time not wasted.

I will never look on bad.

I will never speak of rudeness.

Everything will be changed.

I will enter to the new pace.

Everything will be in beautiful,

Including the beauty of myself which I never seen then.

I will say goodbye to the face darkness.

Myself will fade away from the shadows of darkness.

I will embark to see my whole new self,

Blissful and thankful.

I am now fading away, my old self.

I am setting you free to be cleansed awhole.

I am now making place to the new self.

Good bye to you, good bye.

Chow-Ling: Mongolian Stir Fry Experience

Last Sunday, me and my mom went strolling to iMall, which is a new mall at Calamba, Laguna. I can't really say if it is a mall since it is not that big as SM's nor Robinson Mall's. Anyways, I was supposed to buy microSDs for my gadgets but plans changed. Instead, I got hungry. Then we found this food stall at iMall's food court, Chow-Ling to be called.

Basing on its food stall name, it is a Mongolian stir fry dish. It is like Chowking's Chow Fan but, for me, this one more delicious. They have four flavors to serve. I chose there with the pork one. I forgot what it is called, actually.

Stall crew serve this fresh from cooking equipment. I didn't happen to finish my food at the area since it is so hot. So I just packed it home. 

I can still remember its tastiness. 

Etude House Aloe Moistfull Mask Sheet

Recently, I have purchased a BB cream from Etude House in which I got a free Aloe Moistfull Mask Sheet. I just used yesterday before going to sleep. I thought the contents inside were like cream or anything else. But what is inside were a mask sheet cloth and some liquid residues for the mask sheet. 

The mask sheet was easy to apply. It just need to place the mask soaked with the liquid residue from the mask sheet package onto the face. Then wait for 15-20 minutes before removing it. Then there will some excess residue will left on the skin, it just need to be massaged until it was absorbed by the skin.

I didn't dispose the mask sheet. I just placed it inside the mask sheet package since there were still some mask sheet liquid residue in which I can still use after 2-3 days. By the way, from the package, it was stated there that the mask application 2-3 days. But from some beauty article that I have read, the mask sheet application should be once a week. Anyways, it will on our own perception on how frequent we will be applying it. For now, I'll just follow what the package says.

The day after applying the mask, I felt my face became softer and smoother. By the way, I did  have some pimples on my forehead due to a dirty face powder sponge that I used but those somehow subsided after using the mask sheet. The disappearance of pimples or acnes will still be guided will proper skin cleansing.

I do recommend using this Aloe Moistfull Mask Sheet. I dunno how does it priced since I didn't see anything about from the Etude House Philippines site. You can visit any Etude House stores to check out the products they have. :)

Etude House Precious Mineral BB Cream Bright Fit

Etude House product is pretty popular these day, so I got curious with those. Just exactly that I need a BB cream for my cosplay last Cosmania 2012, I visited  Etude House to buy a BB cream. I bought Precious Mineral BB Cream Bright Fit. It was recommended to me by the sales attendant upon basing on my skin tone.

I also got these free stuff like the Pink Membership Card and the Aloe Moistfull Mask Sheet.

  

Upon using the BB cream, I feel kinda sticky after applying it onto my face. So I wait for a few minutes until it was absorbed by my skin. After that, my skin became smooth. I apply face powder as the finishing touch.

As for the BB cream's popular effects, I'm still monitoring it since I'm only using this for about a week. I think it is working for me. I can see my under eye wrinkles were decreased a bit. My skin lightened a bit, as for myself being a dark complexioned. Also for the SPF 30/ PA++, it helps my skin to be somehow protected on from the computer's radiation since my work is always facing the computer.

I will post after review for this BB cream after for about 3 months to update the effects of the product on my skin. :)