How hard it feels
Don't know how to unseal
Very deep inside
A wound don't heal
Mountain of grief
Climbed to its peak
On top of it
Something I seek
Set me free is what I want
Being eased is what I want
Let me feel how to live
I'm so tired being like this
Tears falling, bashful chicks of youth
Now I see the heart full of sorrow
Set me free and let me enjoy what life is
Showing posts with label struggle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label struggle. Show all posts
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
The Story of My Hair Tail
I started to make my hair long when I was in first year of college. I didn't cut my hair for about 2 years and a half. Then on the hair trimming day, I decided to keep some portion of my hair as long as it is. I decided to do that to make a difference out of anybody and to experience a new thing.
During those years that I'm making my hair long until I have this hair tail, I have encountered sorts of negative emotions. Frustrations, failures, anxieties, depressions, insecurities, guilt, annoyances, hopelessness, shame and many more.
In those times,I do felt so hard in my life. I lost my interest on the things that I usually do like singing, drawing, playing piano and many more. I was so intimidated by some people who just told me that I don't piano good. Then after that, I got discouraged on to myself and to most things that I do. I always think that I'm not good at everything. Even the achievements I acquired before, I think like I don't deserve those. I think that I got it because no one else to get it. So no choice, I'll be the one who's getting it. I always feel unsure that times. I think, I feel that I'm always wrongs and being criticized.
I got carried away with my emotions. I lost a large portion of trust to myself and affected my school performance, attitude, behavior and much more. One result, failure at school. But after that failure, I was awaken. I realized that I must not be intimidated by the other people around me because they don't control my life, I am. I must not be paying too much attention to them. So, I decided to color up my hair tail different from my usual hair color as a sign of change, reborn of my self. The me who always dream, determined, optimistic, courageous, bright and etc... I'm bringing back the old me. I'll fight for myself, the dignity I lost.
I color up my hair tail to be look like a mystic. Mystic, a class in Rising Force online that uses magic to fight as their specialty. I wanna be look like mystic because I wanna feel the magic within me. The magic which are the skills, knowledge and other things I have that I must appreciate.
I must believe in myself that I can do things really good. With the hair tail I have, this will be my symbol of my struggle that I have to bring the bliss back to myself.
During those years that I'm making my hair long until I have this hair tail, I have encountered sorts of negative emotions. Frustrations, failures, anxieties, depressions, insecurities, guilt, annoyances, hopelessness, shame and many more.
In those times,I do felt so hard in my life. I lost my interest on the things that I usually do like singing, drawing, playing piano and many more. I was so intimidated by some people who just told me that I don't piano good. Then after that, I got discouraged on to myself and to most things that I do. I always think that I'm not good at everything. Even the achievements I acquired before, I think like I don't deserve those. I think that I got it because no one else to get it. So no choice, I'll be the one who's getting it. I always feel unsure that times. I think, I feel that I'm always wrongs and being criticized.
I got carried away with my emotions. I lost a large portion of trust to myself and affected my school performance, attitude, behavior and much more. One result, failure at school. But after that failure, I was awaken. I realized that I must not be intimidated by the other people around me because they don't control my life, I am. I must not be paying too much attention to them. So, I decided to color up my hair tail different from my usual hair color as a sign of change, reborn of my self. The me who always dream, determined, optimistic, courageous, bright and etc... I'm bringing back the old me. I'll fight for myself, the dignity I lost.
I color up my hair tail to be look like a mystic. Mystic, a class in Rising Force online that uses magic to fight as their specialty. I wanna be look like mystic because I wanna feel the magic within me. The magic which are the skills, knowledge and other things I have that I must appreciate.
I must believe in myself that I can do things really good. With the hair tail I have, this will be my symbol of my struggle that I have to bring the bliss back to myself.
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